Izuku Gets A Harem but
by MOTHERFU
Summary: I... I'm so sorry but yeah, Izuku gets a harem. Why? How? Find out how. How will it end? Trust me you can either go confused, angry, both, laughing, or all three, but a promise is a promise so here's my take on Izuku getting a harem. It's just a one shot. This may or may not, once again, insult your intelligence and lower your IQ. I genuinely apologize in advance.
1. Chapter 1

**THIS WILL BE MY ONLY HAREM FIC. ALSO A VERY UNFUNNY ONE SHOT! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

* * *

"So, who is it gonna be?" His female classmates asked him as they backed him in the corner. This might not be the best time, really. Izuku wonders how he got himself into this situation. Apparently, all the females in 1A has fallen in love with him for some reason. What did he even do? He got no idea. "How the actual hell did they even fall in love with m-"

"Don't you dare think we're out of this action!" They suddenly heard a voice and suddenly the Class 1B girls are coming in the room. "We love you, too, Midoriya!" They all said at once.

"Oi, what's with the commotion down he-" Mineta went down the stairs just in time to witness this. He looked at Izuku with a questioning look. The green-haired hero student just shrugged awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Mineta began walking in the kitchen and brought out a chair and some popcorns. "Yeah, I have to watch this."

"Aren't you supposed to be jealous of Deku, pervert?" Uraraka asked him but Mineta crunched on the popcorns, not really caring about what she said. This was bound to be entertaining for him. "However this ends, one way or another, I'll be entertained for this."

The 1B girls and 1A girls glared directly at each other, not really paying attention to Izuku, who was trying to explain the situation. "Guys, please, there's n-no point in doing this."

"Each and every one of us agreed to go on a date with you to see who you'll fall in love with first!"

"THAT WAS A DATE DATE?! I THOUGHT THAT WAS A FRIEND DATE!"

"YOU THOUGHT WHAT?!" They all yelled at him. "I mean, why did you guys even fall in love with someone like me?" Izuku may be smart but he's quite dense. He may not be aware of them dropping any hints. Like, at all. He's even more confused with 1B. He only talked to like, two or three of them, and even then, it was only one conversation. How did they fall in love with him?

"Deku, we've been there for each other since the start. I've always admired you and you've always supported my dreams. Why else would I fall for you?" Uraraka explained her case. This time it was Asui that stepped up. "You saved me multiple times, kero. You never really cared how I looked and still became close friends with me. Why else would I fall for you, kero?"

"You helped me overcome my self-confidence issues with your encouragement and admiration of me. Furthermore, you've always believed in me no matter what. Why else would I fall in love with you?" Yaoyorozu chimed in.

"Dude, you don't really care how I looked and you've treated me like a girl, which I am. You don't even joke about my lack of...stuff. Besides, you always helped me when I need it. Why else would I fall for you?" Jiro said while blushing and twirling her earlobes.

"Same with Jiro. You never cared if I was invisible and would always talk to me when no one else would. Why else would I fall for you?" Hagakure said.

"You were close to me but you never took advantage of me. You're one of the only guys that didn't care about me being a mutant and was never creeped out by how I look. Slowly, I began to admire you and then it turned into full on love. Why else would I fall for you?" Mina said her piece.

"While all of us watched you from afar, we admired your determination. You looked scared but it never stopped you from trying to save people. All of us fell for you that way. Why else would we fall for you?" Kendo spoke for the 1B Girls and they all nodded in agreement.

"...SO SHALLOW!" Izuku screamed in his thoughts until the door opened again to reveal Camie, Saiko, and Tatami. "WHAT?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU GUYS!"

"Oh c'mon fam. It's not that hard to fall for some hunk like ya! I mean, you're lit, you're a good boy, and you're definitely the type to treat me like a queen! Why else, my nibba?" Camie said at the still gaping Izuku.

"I dumped Shindo cause you're a better version of him." Tatami said with a bland look. "I love you." That's all Saiko said. Mineta was eating popcorns in a very intense manner when the situation escalated as Midnight, Mount Lady, Ryukyu, Nejire Hadou, Miruko, The goddamn Pussycats, Burnin, Bubble Girl, Uwabami, Sirius, and Yuyu burst into the room.

"I LIKE FUCKING UNDERAGE BOYS!" Midnight yelled proudly, which creeped everyone out. She even flashed her tits out for everyone to see, in an attempt to seduce Izuku.

"Ara ara." Mount Lady has devolved into a mega thot. "You will be part of my hoard." Ryukyu explained. Considering that she is a dragon, Izuku can understand but it felt every bit stereotypical to him. "Ever dated a rabbit? You know you want to." Miruko goaded him.

"I fell for you back when you were fighting Mirio." Okay, he hadn't noticed that at all. All he saw was her staring at him as well as stalking. He swore he saw a hint of blue right out of his window last night. "W-Why are you guys here?" He asked the pussycat.

"I found the perfect father for Kota." Mandalay licked her lips, which caused him to back away. Sure he saved Kota, but that's no reason to fall for him. "I was serious about wanting to court you." Somehow he believed that. He waited for an answer from Ragdoll but she shrugged. "These two dragged me here. Not really into boys." Well that's good news for him but not good enough news.

"Cmon, if we marry, our kids would be strong." Yeah, he's not really into Burnin either. "I wanted you ever since you stepped into Nighteye's agency building." He was legitimately creeped out by Bubble Girl.

"You'll be my perfect model and consort." Uwabami said. He can see lust in her eyes and he's not gonna bother with that. "The way Tsu described you... I just fell for you." Sirius said while her mouth is drooling. He looked at Yuyu. She rolled her eyes. "I'm just here to comfort Nejire when she's rejected. Don't worry about it."

"Is there gonna be any more?" He should have watched what he said. Melissa Shield of all people came inside the goddamn dorm. "Let me guess, you fell for me back at I-Island when I saved your date or when we went out for the day. Just a day."She nodded timidly, confirming his suspicions. Fuyumi Todoroki, Shoto's sister, came in. He just gave up then and there. "Yes, yes, I know. You fell in love with me somehow, Fuyumi."

There's no way there could be more. There was more. A portal opened up in the middle of the fucking room and out came a familiar person. The adult had grey hair and a one-sided horn. Izuku and Mineta did a synchronized face palm. "Izuku. I fell for you when you were already a debuting hero. I figured I would have been too young so I went back in time as an adult and here I am, courting a teenage version of you."

"Oh my fucking god. Is there anymore?" He really should shut his mouth. Another goddamn time portal opened up and out came Nana fucking Shimura. "WE NEVER MET ONCE!"

"HAREM LOGIC!" She responded.

**"So who's it gonna be, Izuku?"** They all asked him at once. He buried his face in his palm, and breathing in slowly and deeply. He released his breath as he clasp his hands together.

"Look guys, I know this is gonna sound shallow but I love all of you **EXCEPT...**" They all leaned in when he said the word 'Except'. There was a catch to this. "He's choosing one of us. He finally made a decision."

**"I'm gay."**

...

...

...

...

Only the sound of Mineta's laughter echoed the room as everyone gawked at Izuku with shock. Exactly on time for Shoto to come downstairs. "Hey babe, I'm going to the- oh shit, it's one of those situations."

"Yep."

"...Even my sister?" Shoto pointed at Fuyumi. Izuku gave a tired nod and a frustrated growl. "Did you not tell her?"

"When I said it was a secret it also meant keeping it from her. I didn't expect this, honestly. I'm not even mad."

"Pssh, tell me- hahahahahaha- about it, dudes." Mineta was rolling over with laughter. "I know I'm a pathetic pervert but this takes the word 'Pathetic' to a whole new level. WAHAHAHAHA! IZUKU WILL BE THE ONE DOING THE SUCKING, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAH!"

Okay, Izuku can't help but giggle to that. He held his boyfriend's hand and they went out together to the grocery while he left the girls to contemplate in shock and closed the door behind him.

"WHAT?!" Toga Himiko then fell from the ceiling, having heard the entire thing. Everyone looked at her, not really knowing how she got here.

**{-The fucking end... Not doing this shit. Just one chapter.**

* * *

**You just got pranked. Sort of.**


	2. The cringe returns

**I made this in under 10 minutes fuck yeah. i'm not doing this shit again.**

* * *

He's had enough. Izuku has had enough with this bullshit. It literally came out of nowhere. Like, what the fuck is this

**How the fuck did he get a harem?** What did he even do? He asked Mineta about it but even the midget doesn't know. It's like all the girls gave up their dreams of becoming a hero just to lick on his dick. What the hell are they doing? This is some sick bullshit. Giving up all that for a dick. Not even the 1A girls. Even the girls at 1B, Shiketsu, and hell, some other heroes. He's a little bit confident now, but what the fuck did he even do to deserve that shit? No, he's not gonna let this shit go down. He picked up his phone.

"Mineta. Yeah, it's time. Yeah. Bring in the clothes."

* * *

**Some time later...**

* * *

All the girls were called upon the UA auditorium. 1A, 1B, Mt. Lady, Midnight, Mandalay, Pixiebob, and Ragdoll, Sirius, Camie, Saiko, Melissa, Eri from the Future, Nana Shimura, who just arrived using the DeLorean, Mei, Toga was tied to a chair, Burnin, Ryukyu, Nejire, Yunyun, Rei Todoroki, Fuyumi Todoroki, Female Katsuki Bakugou from another dimension, Female Shoto Todoroki from another another dimension, Mirko, hell even Jirou's mother.

"Why do you think we're all here? Deku said he got a surprise for us." A curious but excited and probably horny Ochaco, who was half-expecting a strip show from Izuku Midoriya, asked Mina, who was sitting beside her with a dragon dildo ready to fire up. They were all expecting something and half of them are shameless enough to bring in some shit. Ragdoll rolled her eyes at her friends as she got forced to be here. Yunyun was looking at her phone, not really interested while Nejire keeps asking her questions on what could happen. And then, a familiar voice sounded through the speakers.

"Listen bitches and thots, you are now watching, Deku, the Worthess sack of Shit." Katsuki's voice sounded enthusiastic when he said it. He was in on the plan as he got annoyed of the girls fawning over Deku for no fucking reason. If anything, this whole plan made him and Izuku becomes friends again. Bros before hoes.

The curtains opened up to reveal Mineta and Izuku wearing what looked like something a rapper would wear. "Hit the beat, Kacchan."

"Fuck yeah."

"Yeah- uh-, uh. yeah, cringe at this bitches. Uraraka more like Urabaka

tryna get the dicku

but never getting deku.

you slow, can't even make the money float.

your mom can't get money so she gonna blow.

trash in the slums like thots expand.

the sucking ain't even making 50 grand.

Mina over there with the dragon dildo

never gonna get this dick tho

bitch be stupid eating some dick. the flow is real

can't even get alien queen, what's the deal

here and there, always failin'

this slut always wailin"

The girls are at shock at what's happening. Should they be cringing or crying? Maybe both. "Hit 'em, Mineta"

"Yeah, yeah, my main man deku getting the frog bitch

finding all o' ya as nothin' but itch

using that long-ass tongue to lick the dick

never even trying to pitch the hick

your slime wack

your legs wack

your face wack

all these madafuckin' weebs simpin

on the hoe-ass frog i've been pimpin

shut up

don't even bother getting closeup

and we gettin' over here with the Momo chan's

Creati dildos cause ain't go a chance

the main man deku ain't ever getting her

so please sit down bitch, before you get hurt

finally we down to the earphone jack

deku's dick, you're not gonna jack

sit your flat ass down

or he'll send you to shoot style town

over here we get tooru tryna be relevant

except she irrelevant

never elegant

nose like an elephant

got no development

unimportant element

dick celebrant

HIT IT, BAKUGOU!"

The angry student took the mic from Mineta. He still can't believe the Principal allowed this, but hey, he's not complaining.

"HELL YEAH!

WE GOT A MOTHERFUCKIN' HAND BITCH RIGHT THERE ON THE FRONT ROW

TRYNA GET IN LINE FOR THE DICK ROW

YOUR HAND GET BIG

BUT YOU NEVER GETTING DICK

THE SILENT BITCH IS NEXT

YOU AIN'T EVER HAVING SEX

SHUT UP, BITCH

OH WAIT, YOU ALREADY ARE

YOUR JEALOUS ASS FRIENDS GONNA DITCH

HOLY SHIT

OH I'M SORRY, YOU'RE RELIGION MAKES YOU CHRISTSHIT

Bakugou 6:25 " Do not lust in your heart after his dick or let him captivate you with his ass."

and now you complainin' i'm giving some sass

bitch quiet up

Timothy 2:12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet

SO DON'T START A RIOT

all you other 1b girls never really important

so i'll keep you up before you became a burden

Camie

more like dick commie

lit this lit that

suck this suck that

le sigh

tryna crush deku with her thigh

Mt. Lady, what a hoe

some shitty whore that you gotta throw

showing off her ass like a real thot

how to be a bimbo is all she thought"

**WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO**

Every looked around as the alarms started blazing. A hole opened up on the stage, as a person is slowly getting lifted up. The man with sunglasses arrive, revealing himself to be Hawks.

**NEW CHALLENGER!**

**HAWKS KILLS THE COMPETITION**

"Goin' down here with the Twice murderin

you girls be trippin

tryna act like you limpin

all gonna get some pimpin

bitch be lax

let us relax

Midnight be ruinin her reputation

every boy at home lookin at her with lotion

getting their hand to dick in motion

cummin' an ocean

old, used hoe

can't even save oboro

so please, stop being a bore-o'

We got a pixiehoe here looking desperate

nothing but a degenerate

pussy cats tripping

pussycats dripping

wet like an ocean

can't even get a relationship in motion

so will you please get a tissue and stop the flow

and let the boys get in it with some lit ass flow

Nejire out here bein' the weak link

her relevance died when i blink

airhead

shit head

legs spread

never gonna wed

some useless stupid bread

look he got her melissa shield

looking ready to yield

her dad's an all might simp

and this bitch nothing but a wimp

Ay Yo homeboy, finish this rap for me"

Hawks threw the mic towards the entrance and all eyes followed as a familiar villain caught it. He brought in down to his lips with a smile, excited for whats to come.

**TOMUUUUURRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SHIGARAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

"Ay yo Nana, i'm cringing

the laws of stupidity, you infringing

i'm ashamed you're my nana

going for a deku's banana

left your son behind

leaving him for me to grind

down the dust and ashes

your head, Sensei smashes

you call yourself a good motha'?

you're nothing but muda MUDA **MUDA**

what's this we got time travelin' Eri

hopping on overhaul's dick as a kid

now wanna hop on deku's dick

because o' you mirio paid the price

you're nothing but a plot device

your cuteness is your redeeming factor

but all you do is kill quirk factor

Mirko, looks like you need a hand, oop

i almost forgot, your ass got whoop

horny like a rabbit

dead like a rabbit

all the boys going after her thighs

nobody gonna cry when she gonna dies

all these hoe ass heroes tryna fuck a teenager

y'all are pathetic

call yourself saviors

teenage dick is what savor

y'all now looking ashamed

cause you got flamed

cause they all came

and they only got one dick to blame

Toga, toga toga toga,

when she smells the blood

she goes full uga buga buga

now you lusting over some hero for the bleeding like jello

why you gotta be all that shallow

i expected more from you

but i guess you saw his dick and gave it a chu~

Back to you, bro"

Tomura tossed the mic back to Izuku, it looked like the rap worked. They were all cringing now.

"Oh now you cringing

i thought my dick you binging

the only thing missing is your bullshit ass heart eyes

too much those pathetic-ass lies

you all wanted the dicku

but y'all never had a clue

i ain't interested so leave me alone

i'm not gonna try to make you moan

you all got charisma

like ojiro with asthma

non of that

and now, it's the end of that."

Instead of dropping the mic, he powered up full-cowling and slammed it down the stage, before leaving to get a cold one with the boys. All the girls sat there, cringing and confused. And then Izuku came back and picked up the mic.

"Actually, I'm going to my therapist. Yes, I have one. Yes, I blame you for it, and surprisingly not Kacchan-"

"I HEARD THAT ASSHOLE!"

"So yeah, stop trying to fuck me, cause i'm not interested. But hey, it looked like you girls don't get the message, so if you try to go after me one more time, i'm cutting my dick off." He dropped the mic again before going outside.

This time, Ragdoll burst out laughing at everyone. She's usually dead inside but she can't help but laugh at her friends and teammates getting owned. "I told you! I told you, ladies! PFFFTT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! C'MON, HAWKS WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU BEING DESPERATE, PIXIE! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH, jesus. I needed that. Omg. Haha. Right. Ladies night?"

"...Ladies night."

**{= APRIL FOOLS, ASSHOLES!**


	3. it gets intense

**Question, have you people been offended by this story?**

**If you are, that means I'm doing a good job.**

* * *

The world, as everyone knew it, was destroyed. It only shows of darkness and screams of sexual terror echoed across the barren lands as all hope were lost when the Harem Bitches struck upon the land. It brought eternal darkness to the land crying out for the dick of one boy, and only one boy. One legitimately, totally, surely, absolutely, undisputedly, **under-aged** boy. His name was Izuku Midoriya, and this is the story of how he became a victim harem protagonist.

* * *

**Two days earlier...**

* * *

"Deku~" The feeling of dread shot up Izuku's spine as his friend, Uraraka called out to him. He never knew why, but the sudden change of her bubbly tone to a more subtle predatory one worries him. A little too much, it worries him. Not only is it coming from Uraraka, but from the rest of the girls he met. The only one that doesn't seem affected was Mei Hatsume, his personal mechanic. She is almost always like his usual self and that gave him a moment of bliss every time he talked to her.

"U-Uh, what is it, U-Uraraka?" He stammered slightly, not liking the fact that she is, in fact, inching closer and closer to his personal space. That was not something he is amused with. He's slowly backing away, noticing the predatory glint on his friend's eyes. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the other girls from 1A and 1B, peeking at the corner, having that same look in their eyes. Not only that, but he could smell a wiff of Midnight's

"MIDORIYA!" Mineta suddenly jumped in, pushing Uraraka away from him before grabbing him and making a run for it. They were running across the hallways, and from the looks of it, they were gunning for the support shop where Mei usually is. "Mineta, what are you-?"

"They already killed every other guy, man! They sent Iida to space, vertically bisected Todoroki, ripped off Ojiro's tail and beat him to death with it, gave Satou diabetes, forced Aoyama to shoot out his guts, drowned Bakugou, overloaded Kaminari's brain, suffocated Sero with his own tape, made a tiger maul Koda to death, shot down Shoji, melted Kirishima, decapitated Monoma, forcefully fused Awase with a dog, made Juzo drown in his own mud, killed Fukidashi with mushrooms, melted Tetsutetsu, stabbed Kamakiri to death, hanged Nirengiki and Shishida, sent Kaibara face-first to an airplane turbine, made racist American cops shoot down Kuroiro because he was black, trapped Tsubaraba in an air prison and left him to run out of air, and they battered Rin to death!"

"WHAT?! HOW?! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?!" For some stupid reason, Izuku instantly believed what Mineta said. No doubt, those girls are starting to be...obsessed with him. There was no way they would be or not even a reason to. "How did you survive?"

"I hid. I watched them all get murdered. They're coming for us next, man!" They stopped in front of the workshop with Izuku instantly knocking on the door. They could hear the malice behind the cackles following them. It somehow felt like it was mixed with sadism...and lust? "Mei! OPEN UP! PLEASE!"

"Wait, Hatsume? She might be-" The workshop door open up with Mei, as clueless as ever, peeped out of the workshop. She suddenly grinned, scaring both Izuku and Mineta before forcefully pulling them in and locking the door behind her. "Midoriya and the midget thing! Good timing, too! I got these babies I want you to try." She pointed at a bunch of new armor pieces and other support items.

"Mei, this isn't time for that. We ran into an...issue." Mei looked at him clueless, not knowing of the situation. That was until a large knock on the door was heard, as if more than one person are trying to get in. "Open up, Deku~ I know you want to let us in. We'll let you in, as well, if you know what I mean~" Mina's voice was heard from behind the door, scaring the two boys even more but the enthusiastic look on Mei's face disappeared as a hard line formed on her mouth.

"This is bad, Izuku." She said, with an abnormally serious tone on her voice. She went over to her working area and tapped a few buttons and the wall beside her turned around, revealing an android stuck to the wall. "Mechanical Miro'(Mirror) on the wall, what the fuck is happening to us all?"

The android spasmed and glitched, codes visible to its eyes. The two boys stared on, not knowing what is happening. Mei was staring intently at the android, waiting for a response.

***Beep...boop...that asshole over there was cursed to become a harem protagonist*** The android accusingly pointed at Izuku. The android then exploded as usual for all of Mei's inventions. She had a grim look on her face. Mineta and Izuku braced themselves for when she jumps them but it never came.

"I'm not like those other girls, Izuku. You can trust me." She said, her eyes softening. The knocking grew louder behind and Mei went ahead to do some preparations. She seems to be gathering some tools and putting on armor. Mineta and Izuku just looked at each until Mei gave them spare costumes she made for them.

"This curse is shit, okay? Izuku, you're fucked if you don't escape because more and more girls will-" The door for the workshop suddenly exploded and the smoke unveiled Momo with a cannon. Tsuyu then used her tongue to pull Mineta away. Izuku tried to help his friend but Mei held him back, pressing more buttons on her table.

"IZUKU, PLEASE I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Mineta was clawing in desperation, trying to free himself from Tsuyu's grasp. It only worsened when vines suddenly appeared from the ground and ripped Mineta's left arm off. "GAAAHH!"

"MINETA!" Izuku was about to reach in to save his friend but a hole opened up under him and Mei as they fell into it. Mineta was left alone there with a missing arm. Still desperately clawing at the ground. "I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. Oh god, please. Not when I'm actually getting my act together. Please, I don't wanna die. Oh god. I don't wanna mmpphhh..." His murmuring was interrupted when a big pair of hands wrapped around his head.

***POP***

* * *

They landed softly on what looked like vehicle. An armored truck, to be more specific, with mounted cannons. "MEI, WE JUST LEFT MINETA!"

"I know, but you would have gotten in a lot of trouble if we went after him." Mei told him quickly, not really wanting to be reminded that she left the poor kid for dead. "What did that Mechanical Mirror even mean about me being cursed?"

"It means you were suddenly cursed by the Gods of Fanfiction to become, yet again, a harem protagonist. This time, however, every girl you know turned into a pack of Yanderes. The world is ending soon, and this will reset again with a different setting." She said grimly, while they were driving. He looked around to see the city in flames, female heroes attacking everything, looking for him. He hugged his knees, feeling guilty about being the cause of all of this. "Why me?"

"I don't know. Izuku, I'm so sorry." Mei told him, without looking directly at him. He looked away from her and faced the destruction from the window. "No. It's not your fault, Mei."

"The only thing we have to do now is to keep getting away until all of this en-" Mt. Lady's foot suddenly stomped in front of the truck, sending them mid-air as the gigantess caught them. "**EVERYONE! I FOUND HIM!**"

Mei pressed a button on the steering wheel and the cannon instantly shot out a laser, shooting through Mt. Lady's skull. "MEI, WHAT DID YOU-"

"I know! I know. This won't matter in the long run. Japan isn't the only place in flames. Soon enough, the whole world would want to be part of your harem, and you will suffer until the next reset. You're my only friend, Izuku. The least I could do for you now is protect you." She gave him a somewhat genuine smile, and all he could do is smile back. If she wants to save him, the least he could do for her is save himself.

The quaking of the ground signaled to them that a massive mob of the gals and guys wanting to be in Izuku's harem was coming. They were about to drive away but some heroine with a magnetism quirk broke the truck apart, leaving them with nothing but their weapons. Izuku tried to fire up his Full Cowling, but it doesn't seem to be working. "Mei, there's a quirk canceling hero out here!"

"Not a problem." She tossed him an AK47 and a bunch of magazines. "What if the guns don't work?"

"Use more gun."

***BFG DIVISION plays...***

Thousands of people descend upon the two, trying to take Izuku away, but they shot away with a seemingly endless barrage of bullets. Mei would often switch guns when she runs out of magazines for another and give more to Izuku if he needed them. They were slowly backing away as the people whose minds only thought of Izuku's dick chased after them, with only the thoughts of ravaging the teenager as their fuel to keep moving and chasing.

Izuku had never learned to use a gun but he had to learn quick due to these unforeseen circumstances. Good thing he was a fast learner, getting more used to aiming and taking the recoil. Mei was more brutal in her approach, ripping people's skulls out with her power gloves if they got too close or finishing them off with a stomp to the chest. She had better aim thanks to her quirk as she bathes in the blood of the harem addicts.

It wasn't until the cavalry arrived. That being the ones who knew Izuku best, being the girls from 1A, 1B, and Shiketsu including Midnight and a few other pros who knew him finally entered the battle. Izuku had no time to react as Tsuyu made a jump for it, sticking her tongue out, hoping to catch him with it. Mei never had time to react but a miracle happened.

A mysterious person caught Tsuyu's tongue and pulled her towards their kick, which can be described as a superkick, completely knocking the frog's head off. The person in question wore a Bullet Club t-shirt. Mei and Izuku were clueless to who he was. "Who are you?"

"Oh me? Call me KakarotJnr. Some guy promised me I'd get a ten second cameo in this story and so, really, I won't be long for that much."

"Story? Ten seconds? What?"

"Hmm, I wonder how I'll get taken out..." Just as he said that, John Cena appeared and lifted the poor person up in a fisherman carry before doing his Attitude Adjustment on them, sending the straight to hell. John Cena pulled out his legendary golden shovel and filled up the hole where KakarotJnr went through. Some announcer from a distance yelled something about John Cena exploding KakarotJnr through the Earth itself. John Cena only gave the confused pair a nod before flying away.

Everyone stopped for a moment, not knowing what just happened, before continuing on. The two were finally cornered into a warehouse, but they managed to kill a few more survivors of their rampage were Ochaco, Ibara, Kyoka, Kendo, Mandalay, Pixiebob, Sirius, and Mina, having been on the defensive for a long time. Izuku could not believe he killed most of his former friends-turned-yanderes. He cursed his curse and he cursed the universe for doing this to him. He never wanted to have a harem at all. All he wanted was to be a hero. He wants to inspire people, not give them anal. He never asked for this. He never wished for this. He never would have accepted this at all if he could. The two sat down inside the warehouse, blocking most of the entrances. It would take a long time before Mina could melt through it.

"We're already on our last leg, Mei." He said, panting as his only friend left paced back and forth before stopping. She gave him a glance before pacing again. He could swear it was another predatory glance, but he blamed it on his exhaustion. "I know. This had gone far worse than I thought. I thought my babies would have been enough but clearly, they weren't."

"Sorry."

"No, don't. Don't feel sorry, Izuku. I guess I have no choice."

"You? Don't you mean we?" He raised his eyebrow in confusion. Mei pulled out a button from her pants and pressed it. Izuku suddenly felt electricity coursing through his body as he cried out in pain. "GAH!"

Mei slowly approached him while lowering the intensity of the shock. "M-Mei?"

She crouched in front of him, giving a small but predatory smile. "I only helped you because, the truth is, _**I wanted you for myself**_. That costume was designed to take you down once we're finally all along. I had these babies for you to play with but, oh well, it can't be helped. I guess I'll have to share the Dicku." She said, unblocking the entrance. Vines suddenly shot out, pulling him outside as Mei followed suit.

"Mei. I thought we were... I thought we were..." Izuku couldn't finish his sentence as he broke down while being pulled into an orgy that he didn't ask for. He hated this curse. He hated this life. He didn't ask for this. A harem isn't a blessing but a curse. Why did it have to end like this?

**{- Bad Ending time lmao. Another different and unrelated chapter! HELL YEAH!**

* * *

**i realized i got a little biased since not once did i diss Mei.**

**I failed you guys, i'm so sorry.**

**Also, this is a joke series. If y'all got angry, then it's fulfilling its intended purpose**


	4. What the-

**Welp, here we go again.**

* * *

It was a cold, rainy night, that day was. We recently defeated Shigaraki in our final year here in UA. That called for a celebration for our class in a bar reserved by the resident rich dame, Yaoyorozu. That woman got the dough and is one hell of a looker. She got a lot of options to bribe or seduce any politician, but she still chose to be a hero. Nothing impresses me more than a woman using her skills to bring the lowest of scums of the Earth to justice.

There I was at the party, everybody was with their usual friend groups. Kirishima and Bakugou having their trademark banter. Jirou was up on stage, her voice was smoother than the surface of a recently polished Nissan. She was giving me glances similar to how a tiger looks at its prey. I paid it no mind, but it eventually cost me dearly later that night. I was busy having a drink of lemonade at the bar, minding my own business, my mind going places about Dabi, and Toga's escape from our clutches. Shigaraki may be gone but they could always revive the League any time they want. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt someone squeezing my butt tighter than a mall during an American Black Friday Sale.

I took a look at the bozo who did it only to see that it was Ashido. I was mesmerized by her eyes, which were unlike any other I've ever seen. Her luscious pink hair flowed to the breeze of the building's air conditioning as she bit her lips while making eye contact with me. She wore a bright red dress, too short to cover her own legs. The dame in front of me had legs for hours and I couldn't help but sneak a glance. "Ashido." I greeted her in a formal manner, hoping to de-escalate the situation before it gets out of hand.

"Oh don't worry about my hand, Midori. I like where it landed on." Her tone was as dangerous as a jaguar's growl right before it pounces a poor deer for the kill. Suffice to say, I decided to humor her. Big mistake. When she reached out her hand to me, I was too distracted to realize that I was falling for a trap. That one mistake would soon change my life for the worst.

So, there I was, with Ashido, in my dorm room. We didn't waste any time making out when I closed my door behind us. We landed softly on my bed, quickly taking off our tops. Her bra was pink leopard prints, similar to how much she felt like a predator right now. The look in her eyes stayed the same the entire time, that same predatory glance that had me hooked a long time ago. She caressed my bare chest softly, as is she's done this before. She truly is a one of a kind dame. I squeezed her breast and she let out a moan that I'm sure only dogs and cats would hear. It's all music to my ears, but, I'm no music critic. I'm a hero.

The sound of our foreplay was heard through the building, but luckily, everyone was at the bar. It'd take them hours to get home in a rain hitting heavier than a fat man falling on a tiny bird on a sidewalk after slipping on his own dropped ice cream. It only took me ten minutes with the help of my Full Cowling. We continued feeling each other up, taking our time to 'get to know' each other more. She whispered dirty things to my ears as I felt her breath touch my skin. I've always been a dense joe, but with those whispers, I knew she wanted me like how Germany wanted Poland back in the 1930s. Did I like it? No, her intentions felt more like some mobster throwing a sex doll armed with a bomb at some poor sap who knew too much. I knew it. She knew it. The only difference being, I couldn't bring myself to stop this dame.

She gave me a million-yen smirk and brought her panties close to my face. I was too distracted by my own desires to know the truth behind those lookers. With the contradictory reluctance and excitement, I pulled it down. Springing to my face, straighter than a homophobe in a Pride Month Rally, was her _pink, monster cock_. Way bigger than mine- **WAIT WHAT FUCK?!**

I quickly pushed her out of my face before that cock got even near my mouth. She gave me a snide grin as she walked closer to me, each sway of her hips signifying the underlying dangers behind her cock. I dodged out of the way before she could trap me in a bear hug, presumably would have been tighter than the grip of a desperate Burmese Python. Behind me, the door opened, and there they were, all the girls in my class with their monster cocks. I wondered how they got here, with the heavy rain pouring down, and then it hit me. Yaoyorozu was rich. She would have hired someone to get them here quickly. They had me trapped here. I felt more surrounded and hopeless than a male hyena about to be hit on by six female hyenas. To make matters worse, all of theirs are bigger than any of the boys in our class.

Having no choice left, I made way for my cabinet. They tried pulling me off, but thanks to my full cowling, I managed to keep going. Inside the cabinet were two shotguns. One's for any intruders, and the other? For me. I quickly pulled it out, aimed it at my chest, and pulled the trigger. I awoke seconds later, breathing my last breath. My sight was more blurry than the censored bodies of the hostages captured and killed by terrorists. The girls surrounded me, looking guilty with their eyes showing horror on what I did to myself. I could barely make out their voices, apologizing to me, but I could care less about that. I knew about my Harem Curse for 500 resets now. No matter how much I try to avoid it, it always comes back to haunt me like a cancer on remission. Before I could even get a word out, I died and felt the universe reloop itself, preparing me again for my curse.

* * *

"Dude, why the fuck did you narrate all that to me in some kind of Noir Monologue?" Mineta asked his friend, Izuku, who just finished narrating the most recent version of his Harem Curse. Admittedly, the curse sounded more like a blessing to Mineta, but after a few stories, the midget finally agreed that it was a curse. Luckily for them, he knew what to do. "Look, bro, I already figured out a way to get you out of this but we need help."

"Help? From who?"

"Hatsume," Mineta said. Flashbacks from the previous chapter flooded Izuku's mind as he reluctantly looked at his best friend, Mineta. The grape boy nodded in understanding, but he had a plan. He pulled out a book from his bag, something he found from a library. "What I got here is the **Haremnomicon**. A book of spells involving harems. There's one spell here that can help make a girl temporarily stop falling in love with you."

"How much time would that be?"

"About two weeks, which is more than enough. We need Hatsume for her inventions, Izuku."

After making their way to the Support Workshop, they encountered may just about to leave. They had other plans. They ran and tackled her before pulling her inside the empty workshop. "DO IT!" Izuku yelled at Mineta as the midget begone chanting spells and his eyes glowed purple.

**HAREMUS BEGONUS THOTIUS!**

Mei screamed in pain as pink light surrounded her for ten seconds before subsiding. Her breath was hitched from the pain, but she finally felt herself free from something vague. Something subtle. Another touch from Izuku was all it took for the memories of her previous selves. "Water." She asked.

Izuku pulled out a bottle of water from his bag and gave it to Mei, who drank it desperately. Tears fell out of her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Izuku."

"I know." Was his only reply. He only had one person to blame for all this and it was whoever cursed him. "What do you need?"

"Lots of things. Things that could kill gods. Mei, don't worry. You, me, and Mineta are putting an end to this nightmare."

**IZUKU, MINETA, AND MEI WILL RETURN IN: IZUKU GETS A FUCKING HAREM BUT... ENDGAME!**


End file.
